Congratulations to the European Union for winning this year's Nobel Peace Prize (I know, right...?). It is still unclear exactly how the EU will spend its cool $1.2 million prize fund (a bit less cool 926,000 of the feeble single currency).
Anyway, we can think of five things the boys in Brussels should seriously consider:
1. A makeover for Merkel = $400
Enough with the pant-suits, Angela! We love your attempt at dour chic, but seriously. With the solvency of the global economy in your well-posed hands, it's time to trade in the shiny-pastel-linen-blazer-over-black-vest-with-black-pants-and-black-school-marm-shoe look for something a bit more...well, no...ok: sassy.
The lovely Chancellor has so much potential, but the euro zone crisis is taking up so much brain power, she has lost the ability to coordinate. The EU would invest well if it put a little aside for Madame Merkel.
Erm... we spent most of our Friday trying to figure out how fab Angela could look, and you can too here. (Photo: Chic Politique Blog)
2. More Eurovision! = $500,000
It is one of the great injustices in the world that we only get a single annual Eurovision Song Contest. One night each year our dreams of satin scarves, questionable moustaches and incomprehensible song lyrics come together in a single continental mega, glittery, gyrating sing-along. And then you get to vote! It is democracy in action. Why not a Eurovision Christmas special!? Jingle Bell Rock in Romanian! Step up and deliver, EU. More of this, please:
3. A bikini top for Kate = $43.99
If only Kate Middleton had a nice bikini that she never wanted to take off. Send the Queen a few quid and maybe Kate will find one in her Christmas stocking this year: (Photo: Polyvore)
4. Couples counselling for French politicians = $600
The EU is all about mutual cooperation, harmony and understanding. Of course, that can mean different things in the Union's 27 member states. Lately, the French idea of, er, joie de vivre has confirmed what the other 26 have always secretly suspected. First, there was Dominique Strauss-Kahn's economies of scale; and now this week current President François Hollande and his partner Valérie Trierweiler hit headlines after it was suggested they were formerly engaged in a very Jules et Jim scenario, with Hollande apparently sharing his "mistress" with conservative politician Patrick Devedjian. A cold shower costs nothing. But for more lasting help, send them to marriage counselling -- and save on the oysters and champagne. (Photo: VSD)
5. Give Greece a break = (the remaining...) $698,956.01
Enough with all this frivolity. We're obviously all getting a tad carried away with the celebrations. We all know which EU country really need help...and help...and more help... the Greeks. If we divide up the remaining $698,956.01 by the population of Greece, the EU could give a staggering $0.065 to each Greek citizen. They can each put it in a high-interest savings account and begin to rebuild the oh so peaceful Union before Angela decides to trade in her pants suit for some leather and a whip.
With this, we'll stand by to collect our Nobel in Economics next week.
We don't actually expect any of those Eurocrats to listen to our budget proposal. They're already busy figuring out how to blow the million on the junket in December to pick up the prize in Oslo...