TURIN - After a long debate between his most trusted advisors -- him and himself -- Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has finally understood the true issue facing his country.
The central problem Italy must confront as soon as possible is a new name for Berlusconis political party. The leaders decline, his subordinates mediocrity and inability to maintain their promises and reform the huge and corrupt system these are not such pressing matters.
In his natural-born-admans mind, the things themselves are never the point the labels are. Whatever markets, entrepreneurs and electors (even his own) may say, Italy can still be considered a great theme park, and Berlusconi still the most popular attraction in the world, if only his Partito della Liberta (Freedom Party) had another name. Consequently, a proposed bill to increase productivity cannot be the solution to the current political and economic crisis. The answer is a more catchy name.
Out of control
In front of a small group of smiling supporters, who gathered in the Parliament building, the prime minister suggested as a new name Forza Gnocca CNNs website translated it as Go Pussy. Signor Berlusconi has proved once again his preternatural elegance. There are still some doubts about the symbol of the renamed party. Luckily, Berlusconi has some valuable allies. Umberto Bossi, Minister for Institutional Reforms and leader of the Northern League party, is one of them. When a Parliament Member expressed some concerns about the name, Bossi yelled back, Go f*** yourself.
It seems that both the political situation and the Prime Minister himself are totally out of control. The other day, he welcomed the President of Macedonia with a pun on fruits (in Italian, macedonia means: fruit salad.) He could end playing hide-and-seek in his private Roman residence Palazzo Grazioli, or capture-the-flag during the G20 meetings, which are so boring and complicated after all.
Despite this neverending twilight, Berlusconi remains faithful to his advertisers essence. He thinks that packaging is the most important part of a product. Ten years ago, he suggested that Fiat should have renamed its cars Ferrari Young. Probably, he has already tried to christen his Minister of Economy Giulio Tremonti with a new handle: Thatcher, or to call another ally: Einstein.
For 20 years, he has sold empty boxes, promising he was preserving an affluent society, even if reality proved otherwise. It is not just his fault. Times have changed, and he is no more a man of his time.
Beyond names, he is also obsessed with numbers. When he wants to brag, he declares with precision his 211 approved laws, the 23 cups won by his soccer team A.C. Milan, the 144 meetings he has attended, and so on. Packaging and quantity are his twin totems. They were the focus of the 1980s when consumerism and easy debt where the rules in Italy. The country has tried to keep this alive, relying on the champion of those values to lead. Sadly, in 2011, commercials are no longer enough. Smiles and pussies will not help survive the current economic and moral crises.
Truth is that the Prime Ministers party has actually an issue with a name: his own. Using Berlusconis name used to be a guarantee of success. Now it is disappearing from all the posters. And one day in the not-too-distant future, those same supporters who laughed at his sad and sexist jokes will simply start to deny that a certain chap named Silvio who was never able to sell anything for 20 years ever even existed.
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photo - EPP